My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
