I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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