I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
