I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
