I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
