the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
