not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
