My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
