Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
