i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
