omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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