I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
