I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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