For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
