drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
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giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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