dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
