You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
