so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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