eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
