When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
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My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So. Much. Porn.
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