After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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