FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
