whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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