Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize