And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
