y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
