He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize