i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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