I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
