Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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