I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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