i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize