I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
