put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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