I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
