Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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