She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
