Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
