I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
