I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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