someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
