If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
