we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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