I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
