i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
