i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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