well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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