Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
