I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
