You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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