drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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