Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
