standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
