Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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