i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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