The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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