420 ftw
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
