Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
